Digital Friendship & Ping Pong with Stalin

In the series premiere of Seinfeld, Jerry has issues with a “friend.” Jerry essentially wants to “dump” him, but isn’t sure how to end the friendship, as he explains to George:

“He lived three houses down from me when I grew up. He had a ping pong
table. We were friends. Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to
play ping pong? I was ten! I would have been friends with Stalin if he had a
ping pong table!”

The situation escalates, and reaches a breaking point at Monk’s when Joel angrily berates the waitress. Finally, the confrontation:

“Listen, Joel…I don’t think we should see each other any more. This friendship: it’s not working.”

--Not working? What are you talking about?

“We’re just not…suited to be friends.”

--But how can you say that?

“Look, you’re a nice guy. It’s just…we don’t have anything in common.”

--Wa—well, what did I do? I want to know what I did.

“You didn’t do anything. It’s not you…it’s me. This is very difficult.”

18 years have passed since the episode aired. In that time, MySpace, Facebook, and digital communication have made it more difficult to “dump” friends, but easier to establish boundaries and expectations for the friendship.Text messaging can be used between close friends that may be busy at the time, unable to take the call, or wanting to exchange thoughts on a game in progress. But it’s also a handy device to keep real-time human interaction at arm’s length: a “buffer” between you and someone you don’t really feel like dealing with.

MySpace and Facebook can be a semi-entertaining way for friends, separated by distance, to maintain (artificial) contact. But it’s also a convenient dumping ground for half-friends. Digital communiqués become substitutes for meaningful exchanges. If you didn’t take a phone call or answer an email, you can slap a sentence fragment on that person’s profile a week later as a pseudo-apology. It’s easier to have imbalanced relationships with MySpace and Facebook as well. One person could have little to no interest in another, yet have them as a “friend” on a social networking site. These “half-friends” in turn take an unusual interest in the other person.

Seinfeld experiences this during his attempted breakup:

--Jerry, I don’t understand – how can you do this? You’re my best friend!

“I’ve never even been to your apartment.”

In the digital age, an easy solution for a surplus of friends is to corral them onto your MySpace or Facebook page. Many people’s “my friends” list reads like a Rolodex of contacts from the past five years: some people you genuinely like; others you just happened to bump into.It’s tougher to eliminate friends in the digital age. And while the Seinfeld episode may have aired before the Internet went mainstream, his concluding thoughts seem fitting here:

“I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s certain friends in your life,
where they’re just always your friends, and you have to accept it. You see
them—you don’t really want to see them. You don’t call them—they call you. You
don’t call back—they call again.

The only way to get through talking to people you don’t like or have anything in common with is to act like you’re hosting your own little talk show. This is what I do: you pretend there’s a little desk around you. There’s a little chair over there. And you interview them.

The only problem with this is that there’s no way to say ‘Hey. It’s been great havin’ you on the show. We’re out of time.”